Today I thought I'd address a topic that I haven't really talked about on my blog, and that is the subject of growing up. I know I talked about what job I'd like to do in a recent post, but I never really addressed the subject that has been bothering me for a little while now.
You see, I am eighteen years old and in less than a month, I will be embarking on my last year as a teenager. This thought not only terrifies me that I will no longer be a baby but has made me start thinking about that experimental and shaping period of time that is 'your 20's'.
Getting a 9-5 job seemed so far away last year, yet now I've got to start planning little parts of my future. This includes researching what career path I wish to follow, preparing for interviews and learning what a mortgage is (I still haven't a clue) so if I get a job, I can have a roof over my head.
If I'm honest, I feel like a child playing dress up when I get invitations to PR events and when I write important emails that end 'yours sincerely'. I can't believe that I get addressed as 'Madam' when I go into a restaurant. You've grown up so much that you're no longer that little girl any more.
It's one of those changes that happen in adolescence, like when they stop giving you crayons with your spaghetti bolognese at Frankie and Benny's. It sucks.
M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E AND B-A-B-I-E-S:
This subject for me is very up and down. I love children and I would love to have them some day, but the fear is definitely there, especially the fear of having a child at such a young age.
My mother had me when she was twenty two and I'm very grateful that she did (thanks Momma!) but there's a part of me that thinks I'll still be a kid at that time, there's no way I could support a tiny human in my life. I do commend all young mothers, you're doing a brave thing that I am no way ready for.
Marriage too seems a world away for me, I mean I'd love it to happen someday but I'm not insistent on it either. If someone can put up with my shit for eternity, then fair play to him.
There will always be that one relative who comes over to you at a wedding or a christening and says "you'll be next!" and the fear comes over you, especially if you're single. My advice is brush it off! You are your own person and you can do whatever you want.
I know now that being in your 20's does not mean you have to get married as soon as you can and start popping out children like the number balls on the national lottery.
I don't want to put a number on the time I will get all those things because planning that sort of stuff isn't healthy for your development as a person, you might not have fun because you're waiting for your 'five year plan' to kick in.
So yes guys, I'm scared for my twenties. I'm scared of growing up and looking out for myself, so I fully intend to make this last teenage year count. It's going to be a big shock to my system and I'm not ready at all, but it's the kind of fear you get as you ascend up a roller-coaster track.
Hopefully I'm in for an enjoyable ride.
Thanks for reading,